Opening Day (Over)Reactions

It should be obvious to anyone with a brain that the Atlanta Braves are going to win the World Series. After all, they scored the most points on Opening Day. Isn't that how these things work?

And a more important question for Mr. Placido Polanco...just who the heck do you think you are?

An MVP contender, that's who.

Or maybe, just maybe, we should all settle down. It's very easy to overreact to what happens on Opening Day. It's a whole lot of fun, too. But predicting how the rest of the season will play out based on four at-bats is about as logical as guessing how the Bible plays out after reading three pages.

(Spoiler alert: Jesus dies, but there's a twist)

I was listening to the radio yesterday as Red Sox fans discussed Boston's Sunday night victory over the Yankees. You'd think they would be thrilled, beating the champs with a come from behind thriller. You would be wrong. One caller was particularly outraged at how awful Jacoby Ellsbury looked, and even suggested the Sox just get rid of him.

To recap: the lefthanded-hitting Ellsbury, who is 26 and handsome, looked awful on Day 1 agaisnt one of the game's best lefties, CC Sabathia. This unforgiveable sin is casue for dismissal in the Nation.

Thanks for the memories, Jacoby! Take your .300 average and 70 stolen bases elsewhere, you jerk. Who could ever love you?

Which is why the Darling Asteroids' strategy is so brilliant. Other than Polanco--a total showoff with his grand slam and six RBIs--the rest of the team laid low. Hanley stole a base, and Matt Kemp contributed two RBIs. The selfless Felix Hernandez even opted to pitch like a mortal, keeping the game close enough for David Aardsma to notch a save. What a guy. Clearly the Asteroids are lying in wait, lulling the rest of the league into a false sense of security before making their all-out push to the middle of the standings.

Other Opening Day quick hits:

Jayson Heyward looks legit. Carlos Zambrano had a good run. Roy Halladay gives up a run to his first batter, says "J/k guys, LOL," then dominates. Mark Buehrle, what would we do without your crazy last name and junk ball tactics? David Wright needs only nine more homeruns to match his 2009 total. Melky Cabrera...whatever. Tim Lincecum, still the man. Hideki Matsui looks simply angelic in his new red and white ensemble. Johan Santana is back (Uh oh).

And then there's this guy...

Hi! I'm Albert Pujols, and I'm way better than you.
He's just messing with us at this point, right? Two years ago we were told his decimated elbow needed surgery. He won the MVP. This season, he totally has back issues that the Cards should be concerned about. So what does he do? Goes 4-for-5 with two homeruns and four RBIs, pitches 2 1/3 scoreless in relief and finds Tony LaRussa's lost car keys. And he's only 30! What's he doing for an encore?

Headline From The Future: ESPN's Buster Olney reports that Cardinals 1B Albert Pujols has been decapitated, headed to 15-day DL.

Like it matters. He'd still win the MVP.