State of the Asteroids Address

My fellow Americans:

I stand before you a truly humbled man. When we began our journey two weeks ago, expectations were at an all-time high. Since then, we have faced adversity every step of the way.

A once reliable closer, Frank Francisco has a 10.50 ERA and three loses after six innings. He has blown two saves and has been stripped of his closer duties for the time being. Melky Cabrera, a clutch contributor to the 2009 World Champion Yankees, has struggled with Atlanta, hitting only .135 with two RBIs.

And last night, with his team down 4-3 in the ninth inning and the tying run on second, Hanley Ramirez tragically burst into flames.

I take my fair share of responsibility for the Darling Asteroids' early season struggles. After winning my first game of the season, I pitched terribly against the Diamondbacks and Reds, failing to make it past the sixth in both outings. A 7.07 ERA for me is an all-time high, and hope is at an all-time low.

But make no mistake about it, the Darling Asteroids are strong. Newly acquired Carlos Quentin already has one homerun and two runs scored for us, and the early season additions of Brad Penny and Jon Rauch have been true boons to our pitching staff.

It is in light of these positive developments that I urge all Americans, and all Darling Asteroid fans around the globe, to be patient. I stand before you on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in our nation's capitol to let you know that, like our Founding Fathers, we will prevail. Our backs are against the wall, but we are undeterred. Our confidence remains strong, our determination remains resolute.

We awoke this Sunday morning to a 10-2 lead over the NCSU Sluggers. This should be taken as a sign of progress, that the Asteroids are serious about change and are on the right path for the future.

There are many among us who doubt us, many who stand in our way, many who wish to see us fail. But we are infused with the American spirit, as well as that timeless declaration of will power:

Yes We Can.

When I take the ball this afternoon against the Washington Nationals, it will be with those immortal words in my heart:

Yes We Can.

When the NCSU Sluggers and their robot overlords claim we are too weak, too insignificant to withstand their cyborg armies, we will respond in unison:

Yes We Can.

Good bye, good luck, and may God continue to bless the Darling Asteroids. Thank you.

-Chad Ryan Billingsley
April 25, 2010