April 2, 2010

NL Predictions: Welcome to America, Mr. Halladay

Aroldis, I'm sorry. It just wasn't meant to be. But you're young. You'll find other fantasy teams. Go live your life.

This week was our first foray into the waiver wire and the casualties were Mr. Chapman and fellow pitcher Kyle Kendrick. Chapman will be in the pen, but the Asteroids need arms now. Ditto Kendrick, who lost the Phils' 5th starter job to 74-year-old Jamie Moyer and was also moved to the bullpen.

Edit: Minutes later, Joe Blanton goes on the DL with an ab strain. Kendrick replaces him. On a related note, I'm awful at this.

The two newest members of the Darling Asteroids are Orioles outfielder Nolan Reimold and Cardinals starter Brad Penny, who is back in the NL where he belongs (he went 4-1 with the Giants after Boston released him last season). Reimold, I just learned, had foot surgery in the offseason and has momentarily lost his starting spot to a custard (Felix Pie). I really should do more research.

Welcome to the team, boys. But who will be making waves in the NL this season? Glad you asked.

NL WEST: Colorado's franchise is now being carried by shortstop Troy Tulowitzki, capable of hitting 30 homers and driving in 100 runs while playing gold glove-caliber defense. But after outfielder Dexter Fowler and the ageless Todd Helton, the offense is nondescript. There's a solid rotation behind everyone's favorite Ubaldo (Jimenez, that is), but a suspect bullpen with an already injured closer in Huston Street.

The Dodgers, meanwhile, have made the NLCS the last two seasons. They have a great young lineup featuring Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier and James Loney. Manny Ramirez's dreadlocks are still hitting cleanup, and Jonathan Broxton is one of baseball's best closers. They also have this guy...

Cue the choir of angels

Game over.

NL CENTRAL: Chris Carpenter. Adam Wainwright. Matt Holliday. And some fella named Albert Pujols. Perhaps you've heard of him? Any time spent analyzing this division could be put to better use elsewhere. You should call your grandmother. It's been awhile since you two talked, and she worries about you.

NL EAST: There once was a man who spent his entire career in the AL East. Then one day the heavens parted and the baseball gods smiled upon him. He was traded to the National League where many predicted he would flourish and live happily ever after.

That's right, the Braves have acquired Melky Cabrera. Whatever.

But the big story for Atlanta is uber-stud prospect Jason Heyward. Let's write his name in its own paragraph, as two sentences and in italics, in order to get the full effect.

Jason. Heyward.

Braves manager Bobby Cox called him--seriously--the best young player he's seen since Hank Aaron. Two things come to mind.

First, Bobby Cox is super old. Second, if Heyward delivers on even some of his hype, it's going to be a long season for the rest of the NL East.

However, that's a lot of "ifs" for Ted Turner's favorite team. The Phillies have been to two straight World Series, have the NL's best offense and a potentially dominant 1-2 punch with Cole Hamels and newly acquired Roy Halladay. Closer Brad Lidge starts the season on the DL, but no one trusts him anyway. Ryan Madson will close out games and Ryan Howard will handle the rest.

Second Most Valuable Player: We're not even going to waste our time. Assuming a healthy season, it belongs to Albert.

Poor Chase Utley. In an alternate universe where wrists don't break and hip muscles don't tear, he's a 40 homerun-hitting, ruggedly handsome two-time MVP and America's sweetheart. Unfortunately, wrists do break and hips do tear (but they don't lie). He'll put up his traditionally great numbers and finish second behind Pujols. No shame in it, Chase. This race was over before it began.

Cy Young Winner: How unbelievably happy must Roy Halladay be to be out of the AL East and facing NL lineups on a regular basis? A 25-win season is in play for the Doc. So is an ERA around 2.20. Tiny Tim Lincecum will still strike out the world, but Halladay has the NL's best lineup supporting him. Plus, he was living in Canada and now he gets to live in the greatest country in the world. It's like he went from dating one girl to dating her much hotter, much more awesome sister named America. You the man, Roy.

2 comments:

JP said...

I have no problem with the Cubs being an underdog. I also would have no problem with Tyler Colvin replacing Soriano.

I can't even wish bad things against Albert Pujols because the man is like baseball's superhero. I just wish he was on any other team than the dirty red birds.

geoff smith said...

I'll go on record to say that Roy has a 19-6 season. Bullpen will lose him at LEAST 6 games.