Post-Billingsley Day Hangover

While my prediction of thirty strikeouts proved incorrect (and impossible...who knew?), Chad Billingsley Day was still a roaring success. I thought about live blogging the entire momentous occasion but couldn't see through the tears of joy streaming down my face.

Everyone's Favorite Man went five and 1/3 innings in a winning effort, striking out seven while graciously allowing the Pirates to score one run so as to not completely demoralize them. Quite the saintly act of unselfishness from our boy. Chad Billingsley, ever the humanitarian.

The rest of the pitching staff had the Asteroids in contention as we headed into the weekend tied 6-6 with the Space Turtles. Brad Penny and Randy Wells both pitched well, but the big surprise has been Jon Rauch. Picked up off waivers moments before Opening Day, Rauch already has four saves for Minnesota after replacing Kyle Kendrick in our lineup. Kendrick was recently shelled by the Washington Nationals, proving once and for all that I am a fantasy baseball god.

In real world news, Jeff Bagwell is boring. The former MVP did commentary for yesterday's Phillies-Astros game, and I kept waiting for the little guy to say something legitimately insightful, hoping he could dissect the minute details of the game in ways only a seasoned, experienced veteran can. And I kept waiting. And waiting.

I'm still waiting.

Most of what he contributed was your basic, "What a great job of hitting by so and so." Glad you're here, Mr. Bagwell. We'd be lost without you.

"Pitchers are important. Without them, who would throw the ball?"
However, it is not his fault. Years of talking to the media before and after every game has desensitized Bagwell and his contemporaries from making remarks that are meaningful, intelligent or, heaven forbid, interesting. Athletes have a rolodex of cliches at the ready for any and all questions thrown their way. By sticking to the script, it guarantees that we as fans never get a peek at most players' personalities, which may or may not actually exist. It also ensures that they don't have to think about anything more complicated than hitting a ball with a stick. And this mysterious rolodex is equipped to handle any and all situations. Situations such as:

Getting a game-winning hit: "I was just looking for a good pitch to hit. Trying to work the count until I saw something I could handle. This is a good team we played tonight. Luckily I was able to put a good swing on the ball."

Your leadoff hitter is in the zone: "He's our spark plug, man. He's the key to our offense. When he's getting on base and doing his thing, we're a hard team to beat."

The other team's pitcher totally owned you: "He had all his pitches working today. A guy like that, when he's right, he's one of the best in the game. We just gotta tip our caps and try again tomorrow."

Winning a championship: "A lot of people didn't believe in us, but the guys in this clubhouse knew we could do it. We knew in spring training that this team was something special. We worked hard all year and never gave up. This city has the best fans in the world."

Your manager gets caught using cocaine: "Oh, rats...you heard about that?"

Simply brilliant. If the rest of the population was always this dull, vague and uninspiring we'd have to rely on alcohol to enhance our social interactions even more than we already do. And what a horrible world it would be if we all spoke in tired cliches. But at the end of the day when the chips are down and your back's against the wall, it's not the size of the dog in the fight because every cloud has a silver lining.

It is what it is.