With all my roommates away for various reasons, what's a baseball fan to do?
This is my first time doing something like this. I probably won't last long, and it will be super awkward afterwards.
And yes, this is a complete ripoff of ESPN's Bill Simmons and probably many other Internet blogger people.
But on the other hand, now my roommates won't miss any of my trademark hilarious comments and brilliant insights.
No need to thank me, guys. Your friendship is enough.
7:05 FOX airs two American Idol finalists paying acoustic guitars and singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." I hate baseball now.
7:08 No Joe Buck or Tim McCarver for tonight's game. They are probably announcing the Yankees-Mets contest. Darn you, New York. You have all the luck.
7:15 I hate Dustin Pedroia. Why? Two reasons.
First, his MVP award was bogus. In 2008 he had 17 homeruns and 83 RBIs in a stacked Red Sox lineup. Justin Morneau had 23 homers and 129 RBIs (49 more than Petey) on a team that featured Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau. What a joke.
Secondly, that MVP award tricked people into believing that Pedroia was the best second baseman in baseball. Chase Utley hit 20 homeruns in two months that season before he tore a hip muscle. He never went on the DL, and the Phillies won the World Series that year.
Pedroia grounds out to short. Good.
7:23 Still not sure if it's pronounced "PLAH-ci-doe" Polanco or "pla-CEE-doe" Polanco. The world is full of mysteries.
7:43: Also on television right now: "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", a Star Wars marathon, and "The Godfather Part III." Oh, and it's lovely outside. What would Han Solo do?
"Get off my plane."7:46 Jayson Werth and his beard strike out. Werth looks so much like the WWE's Edge now that he should use his music, too. Give it a listen. I just did and am so amped I want to kick something. Something named Jason Varitek.
8:04 This is the only sport where skinny, nerdy-looking dudes like Tom Glavine or Phillies pitcher Kyle Kendrick get to be called "professional athletes."
8:17 Jeremy Hermida's sacrifice fly to left scores David Ortiz. The Phillies obviously did not sign Raul Ibanez for his arm. 1-0, Boston.
8:26 It turns out, Jayson Werth comes out to The Who's "Baba O'Riley." Not bad, but my idea is better and involves more steel chairs.
Meanwhile, the Phillies offense has been replaced with my high school baseball team and Dice-K has held them hitless through four. I need a beer.
8:40 The jury on interleague is still out for me. On one hand, keeping the leagues separate (but equal) until the World Series is more traditional. On the other hand, I get to see great players that I normally wouldn't have a chance to see...like Marco Scutaro. It's a toss-up.
8:45 My television picture doesn't look as clear as it usually does. TV Land must be saving all the HD for the LOST finale.
8:50 JD Drew pokes an RBI single to shallow left, followed by an Ortiz RBI double. An RBI double by Adrian Beltre send Kendrick to the showers.
See? If it weren't for interleague, I never would have seen my favorite team's worst starter cough up five runs to an American League club.
This will make me feel better...
This is what a national treasure looks like.9:05 No hits for the Phils through five. I need another beer.
(Drinking alone doesn't count as alcoholism if you're liveblogging about a possible no-hitter. Look it up)
9:20 Roommate Ginny is home. She claims she doesn't want to watch the baseball game, but I can tell she's lying.
9:26 The only thing missing from this potential no-no is that trademark web gem to let you know you're seeing something special. If Dustin Pedroia makes that web gem, I won't know what to do with myself.
9:32 Oh, no. It just happened. Jayson Werth sent a laser beam straight back up the middle, and Dice-K snatched it with ninja-like quickness. The Phillies are going to be no-hit. Six more outs to go. This is the worst night of my life.
9:35 FOX's Tune-In to Win Bonus Question: "How many hits will both teams combine for in the 8th inning?" They're just mocking me at this point.
9:38 Up until ten minutes ago, Ginny had no idea what a no-hitter was. All she knows is I'm rooting against one. She's loving this.
9:42 Of all the games in all the seasons in all of baseball, my roommates are away for this one, forcing me to witness this terrible event. You're the best, guys. Don't ever change.
9:48 Oh! Wow. Adrian Beltre just makes a great play, diving to his left to make the catch and then doubling Ibanez off first (who reached via walk). I'm not even mad. That was amazing.
9:50 Juan Castro bloops a single to left, the Phillies first hit of the night. Whew!
Easily the greatest moment of Castro's storied career. The crowd stands and applauds Dice-K's effort, as they should.
This was the best pitching performance ever by a player who once dressed up as a Teletubby while crossing the border into Canada.
One hour later, this is still funny.That's it, we're done here. This has been more emotionally draining than I ever imagined going into it. The rest of the game isn't very exciting, and the Red Sox come away with a 5-0 victory.
Remind me never to do something like this again. Hopefully I can catch the tail end of "Return of the Jedi."
What? I should head out on this Saturday night and do something?
Don't be ridiculous.
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