We have many reasons to celebrate. Buoyed by monster weeks from Hanley Ramirez and Evan Longoria (combining for seven homers, 12 runs and 13 RBIs), the Asteroids dispatched Antarctic Arsenal 8-3 and find themselves in second place.
In first place is Joba Rules, a team we tied earlier in the season. It stands to reason that since the Darling Asteroids and Joba Rules tied, those two teams are equals.
Ipso facto, the Darling Asteroids are in first place.
It's called math. Look it up.
There's no way to know just yet as we've played a cupcake schedule, beating up on the Astros and Orioles of the John Rocker Invitational.
The Darlings were far too excited to start May by squaring off against him. His team combined two of our favorite things: fantasy baseball, and pop music's evil step sister.
This week will be chock full of extra bases and poker faces, and if Chad Billingsley fires a complete game, the excitement may cause me to seize uncontrollably.
But then the Darling Asteroids took a look at Mr. Lady Gaga's roster...and we were appalled.
A serious question for you, Emery...just who the heck do you think you are? The pure arrogance on your part, sir, is sickening.
You think a team that employs the likes of Ryan Doumit and Asdrubal Cabrera is worthy of being named after the one and only Gaga?
How dare you, Mr. Markles. You should be ashamed.
Lady Gaga is more diva than Ervin Santana will ever be. It is an affront to her genius to be associated with your team of scoundrels and Kansas City Royals.
For her name to be dragged through the mud along with players of John Danks' ilk is an insult, and one which will not stand.
How do you sleep at night?
This week the Darling Asteroids will right your wrongs, Emery, and be Lady Gaga's knight in shining, post-apocalyptic, techno-couture armor.
After all, if the Gaga is to be associated with anyone in this league, that person must take the time and effort to surround her with the highest of caliber players, which she so rightly deserves.
That person needs to understand the essence of the Gaga...the Je ne sais Gaga, if you will. And if that person happens to hail from New Jersey, even better.
That person needs to be a visionary. A revolutionary. Someone ahead of his time.
That person needs to be the voice of his generation.
Sound like anyone you know?
Who's that handsome fella?
And so it's come to this. The Darling Asteroids do battle this week not just for themselves, not just for the millions of children around the world who say their prayers and eat their vitamins, but for the honor of one special lady.
I wish it didn't have to come to this, Emery. You know I love you like a brother. But you have crossed the line.
By week's end, your team will look more like Ke$ha...a joke, a cheap ripoff, a disgrace, a talentless hack riding the coattails of a true artist.
Tick tock on the clock, the Asteroids won't stop.
2 comments:
Love it! Of course it may be the Jose talking....just saying.
dude....is that really you? hahahhaha that's classic.
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