Gotta Get Down

Life is all about how you frame things.

For instance, I don't get stoned and eat nachos because I'm a loser, a hippie, a no-good punk or any combination of the three.

No, I do it because I'm launching a preemptive strike on the cancer that I assume is growing inside me after years of cell phone and wifi signals penetrating my body on a daily basis.

And I eat nachos because they're delicious.

Similarly, Hadouken Griffey Jr. isn't a shoddily put together, offensively inept squad with no true ace and only Joel Hanrahan racking up saves.

No, no, no.

We're just off to a slow start.

Former manager Gene Mauch once said:

"Losing streaks are funny. If you lose at the beginning you got off to a bad start. If you lose in the middle of the season, you're in a slump. If you lose at the end, you're choking."

So we've had a little trouble finding our bearings but are taking the "wait and see" approach as we head into the weekend trailing The Smother Huggers 8-3.

Trust me, it's the right move. The absolute worst thing you can do is overreact.

It's tempting to run full sprint to the waiver wire looking for any hitter who's off to a hot start, but be patient.

You drafted these guys for a reason. Give them a chance.

Acting too quickly only leads to mistakes and regret, until one morning you wake up on your ex-girlfriend's kitchen floor with cigarette burns on your arms and Nyjer Morgan in your lineup.

In fact, some of the Griffs are off to nice starts.

Mark Teixeira and Nelson Cruz have four homeruns apiece, and BJ Upton has a pair of homers and a stolen base.

Upton's early production is especially encouraging and could signal that he's ready to fulfill his immense potential, a far cry from his current distinction of being the easiest MLB player to make fun of.

Interestingly enough, BJ stands for "Bossman Junior."

It's a name he got from his father, who was nicknamed "Bossman" for reasons I could probably find out but won't, because it'd never be as cool as the reason I made up in my head.

BJ's full name is actually Melvin Emmanuel Upton, proving he's going to have a great season.

With such a nerdy first name and equally mockable nickname, he really has no choice but to be awesome.

"Don't let me down, son."

But while the Griffs stumble out of the gate, it's comforting to know the real season is playing out exactly as I envisioned it would.

Hitting .500 headed into today's action, I absolutely predicted a batting title for Nick Hundley. You have to believe me.

The sun is shining, Fat Joe and the Terror Squad have staked Philly to an early season division lead, and Mariano Rivera is back to getting professional baseball players out with one measly pitch.

In conclusion, all is right with the world.

But none of that matters right now.

What does matter is we're introducing a new feature to Warning Track Power today, and we certainly hope you enjoy it.

Presenting "Fantasy Friday," a labor of love between my roommates Geoff, Kyle and myself.

We'd like to thank you in advance for what we assume will be your overwhelming and undying support.

We'd also like to thank our two female roommates, Kate and Ginny, for being kind enough to mutter "You boys are stupid" under their breath and out of earshot.

(Well, mostly out of earshot. Kyle couldn't help but overhear. He cried forever)

Without further ado, we present the pilot episode of "Fantasy Friday."

Have a great weekend.