AL WEST: Both the Rangers and Mariners are primed to knock the Angels from their perennial perch atop the division, which is great, because the Angels are boring. I have never been excited to watch an Angels game, and neither have you.
The Rangers figure to hit the heck out of the ball, with Nelson Cruz and Chris Davis both capable of hitting 40 homeruns and having batting averages around .240. Their rotation is unheralded but pretty solid, and their bullpen can be lights out with closer Frank Francisco and wunderkind Neftali Perez. If the American Hero Josh Hamilton can regain his 2008 form, look out.
Still, the Mariners are the pick. Seattle has maybe baseball’s best 1-2 combo in Felix Hernandez and Cliff Lee. Lee is getting plasma injections for an ab strain, which sounds straight up like some Lex Luthor stuff. Meanwhile, King Felix finished second in Cy Young voting last year, winning 19 games with a 2.49 ERA. The manchild is stupid good. Newly acquired Milton Bradley patrols left field, and it’s always nice to have a little dose of crazy on your team. It keeps things unpredictable. The ladies love it. Chone Figgins also joins the fray, and Ichiro is still the surest thing in baseball. Once Lee returns from the Death Star fitted with an adamantium skeleton, it’s over.
AL CENTRAL: Who will win the most lackluster division in baseball? Follow up question: who cares?
The Twins still have Joe Mauer, baseball’s best hitter who plays the toughest position and sports the game’s loveliest sideburns. Justin Morneau is coming back from a stress fracture in his back, which I’m sure isn’t as bad as it sounds. Unfortunately, their excellent closer, Joe Nathan, is out for the year and needs Tommy John surgery.
The Chicago White Sox have a bunch of players, too.
But the Tigers of Detroit have the least unimpressive team. Justin Verlander was back to his old self last season, winning 19 games and fanning 269 batters. First baseman Miguel Cabrera is as solid an offensive player as you’ll find and can collect 35 homers, 100+ RBIs and hit around .320 with his eyes closed. Tigers all the way. Cool?
Now let’s never talk about the AL Central again.
AL EAST: It’s a good thing Canada won that gold medal in hockey. Chris Bosh of the Raptors is leaving after this NBA season, and Roy Halladay is no longer a Blue Jay. If you live in Toronto, what’s your motivation? Vernon Wells? Yikes.
Ditto, Baltimore. But at least they’ve got an exciting crop of young players (Nick Markakis, Adam Jones, Matt Wieters) to keep fans interested until Joe Flacco and the Ravens report for preseason football.
Which leaves the Big Three in the East, who might just be the best three teams in the entire American League. Flip a three-headed coin and see who comes out on top. The Red Sox have a stacked pitching staff which added John Lackey, but an offense which could struggle to put up crooked numbers unless David Ortiz is the David Ortiz of old. The Rays have an absurd amount of talent all around. Evan Longoria, Carl Crawford, BJ Upton, David Price, Jason Bartlett…my god, it just doesn’t end. If James Shields and Matt Garza can handle the innings load, these kids will be alright.
But the Yankees are the Yankees. When making preseason picks it’s important to think, “Did anyone do enough to knock off the champs?” The Sox added Lackey and shortstop Marco Scutaro. The Rays got Rafael Soriano.
Translation: not really.
Having an endless payroll doesn’t hurt, but hey…plenty of teams have a lot of money. Only one of those teams has Mariano Rivera.
Most Valuable Player: Joe Mauer is unquestionably more valuable than any player in the AL, possibly in all of baseball. But eventually the innings are going to take their toll on his knees. He misses a little bit of time every season, and this year that time will be enough for the hype machine to get rolling for Mr. Mark Teixeira.
Tex finished second in MVP voting last season, his first in New York, where he hit .292 with 39 homers and 122 RBIs. Being the biggest bat in the most stacked lineup on the most high-profile team in the world certainly has its advantages. If you want an MVP who drives in a ton of runs, plays great defense and has a winning smile, have I got great news for you.
Oh, and at some point someone will make an argument for Derek Jeter as MVP. Do not believe them. Just walk away.
Cy Young Winner: How many royalty puns can one person squeeze into a paragraph predicting Felix Hernandez wins the Cy Young? Let’s see.
This is the season King Felix ascends his throne. He is only 23 and has gotten better every year. He finished second in Cy voting last season but this year he will be second to none (ha!). Bow down before his awesome curveball. With an improved offense and a great defense behind him, the crown is his. Felix will win 20 games, strike out the world and make the lineups of the AL West look like peasants.
That last one was lame, but you get the idea.
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